Twilight

(to HER and a night I can still taste)

 

When the stars come out to watch the daylight die, that's the time I feel most alive, but when last night slowly creeps into tomorrow morning or when the day is confused and falls to night. The soft, diffused light from the sky when the sun is below the horizon, either from daybreak to sunrise or from sunset to nightfall, that's when my thoughts all run to you .. and that night.

That one night has left me shipwrecked on an island of wanting more. For those few hours spent in twilight; Your skin against mine, your lips, my hands, our souls entwined stuck in a mutual bliss.
No one else in the world mattered,
Just you, me, and the night stuck in twilight.
I almost can't wait to look into your eyes once more, but our meetings are to few with mountains of time filling the holes of wanting you. I close my eyes and just sit here waiting for tonight to be tomorrow, so tomorrow can know what it is to be today ..

and then maybe.
Just maybe.
Today will be that day.

for a pessimist I'm pretty optimistic

(i'm not sure how she tie's me up in knots without a single touch or how she has taken nothing and given everything without a single word. she calls me Wonder Woman and insists my hands are magic but truth is she was the magical one and I am only the illusion of it left wondering how skin to skin was never close enough)

She never asks for much, but she always wants more

I open
My mouth
To speak

but silent

"iloveyous"

fall to the ground

with such force
I can't help but to cry.

Sadly those silent

"pleaseforgivemes"

were the only words

I had power to say.

It kills me because

I have
So much
On my mind

So many
Things I need
To tell you.

I have
All the words

I didn't have
The courage to say

Trapped in my mouth.

They're choking me

I can't breathe..

And as I swallow

All the things
I wanted to say

All the feelings
I wanted to share

They all fall

To the bottom

Of my stomach

And are lost forever

Inside of me.

It burns
And it hurts

But it was just easier

To say
I didn't love you

To say
I wasn't in love with you.

It was easier to lie

And pretend
I was ok.

It was easier

Than living

With the pain

Of knowing I wasn't

And easier than

Admitting I'm not.

I've made my rounds

Once or twice

And filled my head with

"hersandthemsandonenightstands"

But still I wake up

Missing you.

I wake up
Wanting you.

I know its done and
Over, with nothing
Left to say..

(This is the last time I write to you. The last time I reach out my hand with the hope that you'll reach back. I know I fucked up, I'm sorry)

Lost between her Lips

(an unopened letter to HER)

I woke up this morning wanting to hear your voice before the warm light of just another day peaked through the blinds to find my tired face. Laying on my stomach staring at the quote I have tattooed on my arm..


"if I can stop one heart from breaking I shall not live in vain"


Lost in the thought of how you looked at me with eyes so intense. Eyes secretly filled with stories of a woman I want so eagerly to know. Just as I was thinking to myself how I wished I had your smile to help me start this day, it hit me. There was nothing I could do or say that someone else hasn't already said and done. There is no place on your body that I can kiss that hasn't already been kissed by another. I lay there wondering if I had made any impression at all. Wondering if you were able to fall asleep, or if you stayed up like me thinking of a good enough reason to call you, just so I could hear your voice on the other end. Wishing I would have left something with you, something I so desperately needed back that I would leave my house at 3am to go pick up. Only to have another chance to pull you close to me. I lay there in silence, and between all the questions and thoughts, I yet again found myself smiling at thoughts of you.