1/22/2008
sometimes I want to write all of what is inside my head down in a notebook, and hold it so close to me that no one will ever know what I am thinking. Other times I want to write what I feel down on pieces of paper, crumble them up and throw them at your fucking head, just so you know exactly what I am thinking. Sometimes I feel all of what I have to say is of no importance to you or anyone in this world. I am just a girl with a thought; who knew?
sometimes I want to write until my fingers bleed. until every memory, thought and idea is gone from my mind and all that I am left with is emptiness. Or sometimes I can't write at all and I have this build up of never ending words jumping around inside of me, filling me up until I explode. Sometimes I look at you and I don't need to write, not that I could or couldn't, but for the simple fact that no two words put together could ever give justice as to how I feel about you.
sometimes I think somewhere between all the pages of what I write my heart was somehow misplaced and now all I have are these words. Pushing and pulling, fighting to be heard, to be said. I know sometimes I push people away. I guess I'm just looking for someone to push back and then maybe pull me in. It's the way my heart pushes and pulls and pushes to pull. How and why I need someone to push so I can pull, only to get pushed and then pulled in for good. Sometimes infected with the thoughts you put inside of me. infected with hope, with love, with a want for tomorrow. wondering if there's always a way, always a price to pay, there's always another day ... and still these words fight inside of me, they're all I have.
I haven't a heart, but a space replaced with all these words. will you take them instead?
Because it's the simple things in life my words beat for. most of the time they beat to thoughts of you!
