*circa 2007*
This is completely random and out of place, but most of my thoughts are.
I'm not sure why I'm thinking about this now, but a few days ago I found myself driving without direction, just driving to drive. It was 8am, and without knowing how I got to the house I found myself in front of, I turned the engine off and stepped out of the car. Kind of in shock, a little nervous and somewhat scared, I rang the door bell. I hadn't seen this woman in a few months, and the last time we spoke it wasn't good. Still unsure as to how or why I was standing in the cold to see someone who I wasn't quite sure wanted to see me, she answered the door. With sleepy eyes, and a crooked grin, she let me in. I apologized for waking her up, but she didn't say anything, just a nod as she walked to the bedroom and curled back up in bed. I stood there in the doorway, I just stared at her for a moment wondering how I forgotten how beautiful she was. I slowly took my shoes off, pulled my hoodie over my head, threw the keys on the dresser, and laid with her. For the moment I was lost. In the blankets, in her arms, I fell asleep. I opened my eyes to find more then a few hours had passed. I looked around the room, still in her arms, I just laid there, breathing her in. My mind started to wonder and I suddenly felt out of place. Questions racked my brain to a point of paranoia. She's practically married, and all I could think about was what would happen if he walked in ... The comfort of her arms couldn't hold me or my thoughts. Like Deja Vu, I pictured him finding us like before. I pulled myself up and sat at the edge of the bed. I wanted to stay, but everything inside of me was screaming to go. Hands pressed to the mattress ready to get up, she warped her arms around my waist. "Five more minutes, just hold me for five more minutes.." as those words hit the air, my mind cleared of all thought. I laid back down and I held her. Face to face my fingers traced the outline of her lips, around to her ears, then down her nose and back to her lips. I was lost again. Not in her, but the way she had her arm warped around me. She hugged me with such force as she pulled me close. I know our heartbeats felt each other as she held me with no intentions of ever letting go ..
Five minutes turned to ten, which turned into twenty. I softly kissed her lips as I pulled away. I watched her lay there, thinking to myself "why couldn't she hold me like this when we were together?" I pulled my hoodie over my head, slid my shoes on .. picked up the keys, and turned to walk away. I looked back as she whispered "I LOVE YOU" .. her eyes were closed but her lips spoke those words so clearly, like never before. Was she asleep and talking to me? or was she asleep thinking I was him? As I lost that feeling of comfort yet again, she opened her eyes and said "Ang, I love you" .. I stood in the doorway as she got out of bed and slowly walked over warping her arms around me with just as much force and intent to never let go as before.We said our goodbyes and I walked out to the car. I sat there for a moment thinking to myself, "I wanna be held like that forever."
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