10/21/2007
Words, of love misplaced somewhere between our lips, become so hard to remember with every kiss. Dispite the fact that we say them countless times before and again, they are lost within the deep breaths of disappointment. I sigh a sigh of emptiness, hoping someday we will make it, but in a lifetime of constant disappointment ..
I've learned to expect nothing and only hope for the best. Change is inevitable, and with the selfishness of this cold world, I am left open and vulnerable craving the warmth of your smile on my face, and the scent of your skin on my lips. I want you to a degree of almost needing, and almost needing to a point of pain. And still I can't bring myself to find the words I need to say to keep you. Knowing in my heart that the words are never lost or forgotten, fear takes ahold of the mind and those words never see beyond the tip of my own tongue. I pull you close for a kiss, hoping that with the simple act of our lips touching you will know all of what I need to say, but the emptiness felt is far beyond that of a kiss. I've never felt more alone. My heart set on fire, but like the Phoenix from my ashes I shall be reborn. Nothing is in vain, everything happens for a reason and from this I shall grow..
Thursday, March 19, 2015
Thursday, September 25, 2014
TBT Post #1
Too Young To Fight It
(Circa March 2007)
I had a great idea awhile back..
Hiding my heart.
I hid it between my mattresses so it wouldn't get broken.
(I figured it was safe there)
But every time I brought a girl home she always found a way to break it.
I should have just left it where I had it back in high school.
In an old shoe box.
I had it there for years and no one ever found it.
(But I am...
Still looking for her.
For someone.
For anyone, I'm just not sure she's out there.
I'm not asking for much.
Just somebody who sees the pointlessness in life, and still keeps their purpose in mind. I want somebody who has a tortured soul.. Some of the time.
I want somebody who will either put out for me, or put me out of my misery.
Or maybe just put it all to words and make me say
"You know I never heard it put that way."
I want someone to confuse me.
Somebody who can hold my interest, hold it high and never let it fall.
Someone who can flatten me with a kiss that hits like a fist
Or a sentence that stops me like a brick wall.
Because if you hear me talking, listen to what I'm not saying.
If you read my poems, read what I shouldn't have to write.
Don't ask me to put words to all the spaces between the words you should already know!
In fact if you have to ask, forget it.
Do and you'll regret it.
I'm tired of being the interesting one.
I'm tired of having fun for two.
Just lay yourself on the line and I might lay myself down beside you,
But don't sit behind your eyes and wait for me to surprise you.
I wont.
I just want somebody who can make me scream until it's funny.
Make me smile until I cry.
I want someone who can twist me up in knots and untie me before bed.
I want someone who's not afraid of me or anyone else.
I want someone who's not afraid of themselves..)
Am I asking for too much??
(Circa March 2007)
I had a great idea awhile back..
Hiding my heart.
I hid it between my mattresses so it wouldn't get broken.
(I figured it was safe there)
But every time I brought a girl home she always found a way to break it.
I should have just left it where I had it back in high school.
In an old shoe box.
I had it there for years and no one ever found it.
(But I am...
Still looking for her.
For someone.
For anyone, I'm just not sure she's out there.
I'm not asking for much.
Just somebody who sees the pointlessness in life, and still keeps their purpose in mind. I want somebody who has a tortured soul.. Some of the time.
I want somebody who will either put out for me, or put me out of my misery.
Or maybe just put it all to words and make me say
"You know I never heard it put that way."
I want someone to confuse me.
Somebody who can hold my interest, hold it high and never let it fall.
Someone who can flatten me with a kiss that hits like a fist
Or a sentence that stops me like a brick wall.
Because if you hear me talking, listen to what I'm not saying.
If you read my poems, read what I shouldn't have to write.
Don't ask me to put words to all the spaces between the words you should already know!
In fact if you have to ask, forget it.
Do and you'll regret it.
I'm tired of being the interesting one.
I'm tired of having fun for two.
Just lay yourself on the line and I might lay myself down beside you,
But don't sit behind your eyes and wait for me to surprise you.
I wont.
I just want somebody who can make me scream until it's funny.
Make me smile until I cry.
I want someone who can twist me up in knots and untie me before bed.
I want someone who's not afraid of me or anyone else.
I want someone who's not afraid of themselves..)
Am I asking for too much??
Sunday, June 8, 2014
Sometimes, whiskey outshines love
Like a needle on a record, taking parts of you away as it draws sharply and constantly across the heart. Slow descending circles, just to hear a song hidden in the scratches one more time. This is how I sing to you. Close your eyes and listen to the sound as I slide my fingertips across your skin. Every freckle, every scar, every fold and every curve of your body is a note played. This is our song, but one day the song will end. And when it does, I will hum in my sleep, as my fingers twitch from thoughts of you. I will sing the song your body sang, as I sleep, and dream, of you.
Monday, June 2, 2014
"All That is Gold Does Not Glitter"
Can you love someone you just met?
Can a connection between two new people be so perfect
So intense
So great
That there is instantly love!?
Or is what I’m feeling left over emotions from my last relationship?!
Am I just replacing one warm body for the next?
Rolling over love from before and picking up where I left off?!
I want to tell you I love you.
I want to feel more.
I want to kiss you deeper.
I want to hold you just a little closer.
I want to tell you I miss you when I’m not near you.
But truth is..
I’m not sure how I am supposed to feel about you.
I wasn’t expecting to meet someone I could fall in love with.
You have taken me completely by surprise
And yet I can’t help but feel this isn’t brand new at all.
Could we be connected on a cosmic level?
Is it possible that we are from the same star?
I can’t explain it, but I feel safe with you.
I feel comfortable with you.
Yet I am stuck with not knowing how or where you will fit into my life..
Simultaneously filling every waking moment with you!
I don’t know what feelings I can spare
Or what part of my heart is whole enough to hold you.
****
All I know
IS
With you
My soul feels alive
AND
I like
Who I am
When I’m next to you.
Can a connection between two new people be so perfect
So intense
So great
That there is instantly love!?
Or is what I’m feeling left over emotions from my last relationship?!
Am I just replacing one warm body for the next?
Rolling over love from before and picking up where I left off?!
I want to tell you I love you.
I want to feel more.
I want to kiss you deeper.
I want to hold you just a little closer.
I want to tell you I miss you when I’m not near you.
But truth is..
I’m not sure how I am supposed to feel about you.
I wasn’t expecting to meet someone I could fall in love with.
You have taken me completely by surprise
And yet I can’t help but feel this isn’t brand new at all.
Could we be connected on a cosmic level?
Is it possible that we are from the same star?
I can’t explain it, but I feel safe with you.
I feel comfortable with you.
Yet I am stuck with not knowing how or where you will fit into my life..
Simultaneously filling every waking moment with you!
I don’t know what feelings I can spare
Or what part of my heart is whole enough to hold you.
****
All I know
IS
With you
My soul feels alive
AND
I like
Who I am
When I’m next to you.
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
How Friendship Works:
Even though I've just met you, I believe we will be friends.
First, I will tell you something about me, then you can tell me something about you, as that, I believe, is how friendship works.
Here is something I believe: I believe that people don't know how people work when they're young and maybe that's why we're so reckless with each other when we're young. I think people think that people come and go, in and out of life and I think that school teaches them that, that life changes in big annual movements, that one year you're this and the next, you're that. But life blends into itself as you get older and you realise, you will watch a few, if not many, of your friends get old. You will watch them lose their minds and their hair. You will watch them get sick and get better. You will watch them succeed and fail. You will watch them get married, get divorced, get pregnant and yes, eventually, you will watch them die. Or they will watch you die.
So this is what I believe friendship means..
And I'm sorry if this has put a heavy burden on you, but you have put the same burden on me.
Now you can tell me something you believe, as it is your turn, and this is how friendship works.
First, I will tell you something about me, then you can tell me something about you, as that, I believe, is how friendship works.
Here is something I believe: I believe that people don't know how people work when they're young and maybe that's why we're so reckless with each other when we're young. I think people think that people come and go, in and out of life and I think that school teaches them that, that life changes in big annual movements, that one year you're this and the next, you're that. But life blends into itself as you get older and you realise, you will watch a few, if not many, of your friends get old. You will watch them lose their minds and their hair. You will watch them get sick and get better. You will watch them succeed and fail. You will watch them get married, get divorced, get pregnant and yes, eventually, you will watch them die. Or they will watch you die.
So this is what I believe friendship means..
And I'm sorry if this has put a heavy burden on you, but you have put the same burden on me.
Now you can tell me something you believe, as it is your turn, and this is how friendship works.
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Runner 11
Everyone always wants to know how you can tell when it's true love, and the answer is this: when the pain doesn't fade and the scars don't heal. When the tears threaten to return, so I willfully banish all thoughts from my head and take a few more deep breaths. When I suddenly get dizzy from the panic attack I've just suffered, and I close my eyes, resting my head against the warm leather of my steering wheel. When you realize that loneliness doesn't exist on any single plane of consciousness. It's generally a low throb, barely audible, like the hum of an engine in park, but every so often the demands of the highway call for a burst of acceleration, and the hum becomes a thunderous, elemental roar, and once again you're reminded of what you are running from.
(imissher)
(imissher)
Sunday, April 6, 2014
An Unopened Letter to Angela Rose
The people you will fall in love with in your 20's:
You will fall in love with someone who annoys you, whose orgasm face looks and feels pathetic. Despite all of this, there’s something keeping you drawn to them, something that makes you want to protect them from the harsh world. What you fail to realize, however, is that you are the harsh world. You aren't their noble protector — you are someone to be protected from, but it takes a lot of dates, a lot of nights where you question whether or not you are actually a good person, for this to ever resonate with you. When it’s over and whatever love is left is put back in the fridge like a sad plate of leftovers, you will finally understand that you have the power to hurt someone. You can either hurt them or love them and it’s up to you to decide what kind of role you would like to take on in future relationships. What feels more comfortable — being the one who loves more or being the one who’s loved less?
You will fall in love with someone who’s cold and always seemingly pushing you away. When all is said and done, they will be forever known as the one person you couldn’t get to love you. Unfortunately, it will hurt and sting worse than the good ones, the ones that chopped up your meat for you and picked out an eyelash from your eye and were nice to your mother, because love often feels like a game we need to win. And when we lose, when we realize we couldn’t get what we ultimately desired from a person, it makes us feel like a failure and erases all the memories of those who loved us in the past. It’s a permanent smudge on your love resume.
You will fall in love with someone for one night and one night only. They’ll come to you when you need them and be gone in the morning when you don’t. At first, this will make you feel empty and you’ll try to convince yourself that you could’ve loved this person for longer than a night, but you can’t. Some people are just meant to make cameo appearances, some are destined to be a pithy footnote. That’s okay though. Not every person we love has to stick around. Sometimes it’s better to leave while you’re still ahead. Sometimes it’s better to leave before you get unloved.
You will fall in love with the old couple down the street because to you they represent the impossible: a stable, long-lasting love. You’re trying to get someone to like you for more than ten minutes. A monogamous “never get sick of ya” love seems unfathomable. “What’s your secret, sir? Do you just say yes a lot?”
You will fall in love with smells, the good and the bad kind. You will want to wear your lovers shirt because it makes you feel close to them and you’re okay with being that PYSCHO who is legitimately sniffing their shirt in public. You will fall in love with sweat, certain perfumes, the smell of the season in which you fell in love. This particular love smells like fall. It smells like Halloween and a roaring fire and leaves and fog and mist and candy and food and family and whiskey and sex and the lint that collects on sweaters. When it ends, if it ends, you will never experience another fall without thinking of him, her, it. The memories will stick to the ground like a mound of leaves and will only dissipate when the weather drops.
You will fall in love with your friends. Deep, passionate love. You will create a second family with them, a kind of tribe that makes you feel less vulnerable. Sometimes our families can’t love us all the time. Sometimes we’re born into families who don’t know how to love us properly. They do as much as they can but the rest is up to our friends. They can love you all the time, without judgement. At least the good ones can.
This is where I’m supposed to tell you that you will fall in love with The One, a person who isn’t too cold or too nice. Their “O” face is perfectly fine and they’re not afraid to show how much they love you. This person is supposed to wait for us at the end of the twentysomething road as some kind of reward for all the heartache and loneliness. We deserve them. We’ve earned this kind of love.
So fine. You’re going to fall in love with The One. You’re going to fall in love with someone who will make sense beyond college or a job or a particular season. They’ll make sense forever and won’t ever want to leave you behind. I’m telling you this not because it’s true but because it NEEDS to be true. Everyone is entitled to this kind of love, so why not? Have it. It’s yours. Blow out the candles on your 30th birthday, holding their hand, and let out an exhale that’s been waiting for ten years.. (sigh) if only it was that simple.
I have fallin in love with them all. Fallin in love more times than I can count.
I fell in love with an amazing woman, and I hurt her, because I knew I could.
I fell in love with someone I knew would NEVER love me the way I needed to be loved, and I gave up everything for her.
I fell in love with one night of amazing sex, and in the morning we walked away strangers and never saw each other again.
I fell in love with every old couple I saw holing hands, while thinking to myself "I want that"
I fell in love with friends.. all my friends, every single one of them.
What no one tells you is love isn't a check list. Love isn't a race. Love isn't set instructions you follow from the age 19 to 29. I have spent most of my twenties with my heart in pieces, trying to get by from one love to the next. I have given and taken and cried; I have watched them go and never questioned why. Do you know what you really learn in your 20's.. you learn that it's not like the movies. You learn that feelings get hurt, wounds heal, and no matter how broken your heart is, it will keep beating. I am turning 30 in 33 days. I will blow out my candles with family and friends by my side and I will let out an exhale that I've held in for ten years, because at the end of this twentysomething road, I have learned how to love and respect myself enough to hold out for that one love everyone is entitled to.
-Oliver Hart
You will fall in love with someone who annoys you, whose orgasm face looks and feels pathetic. Despite all of this, there’s something keeping you drawn to them, something that makes you want to protect them from the harsh world. What you fail to realize, however, is that you are the harsh world. You aren't their noble protector — you are someone to be protected from, but it takes a lot of dates, a lot of nights where you question whether or not you are actually a good person, for this to ever resonate with you. When it’s over and whatever love is left is put back in the fridge like a sad plate of leftovers, you will finally understand that you have the power to hurt someone. You can either hurt them or love them and it’s up to you to decide what kind of role you would like to take on in future relationships. What feels more comfortable — being the one who loves more or being the one who’s loved less?
You will fall in love with someone who’s cold and always seemingly pushing you away. When all is said and done, they will be forever known as the one person you couldn’t get to love you. Unfortunately, it will hurt and sting worse than the good ones, the ones that chopped up your meat for you and picked out an eyelash from your eye and were nice to your mother, because love often feels like a game we need to win. And when we lose, when we realize we couldn’t get what we ultimately desired from a person, it makes us feel like a failure and erases all the memories of those who loved us in the past. It’s a permanent smudge on your love resume.
You will fall in love with someone for one night and one night only. They’ll come to you when you need them and be gone in the morning when you don’t. At first, this will make you feel empty and you’ll try to convince yourself that you could’ve loved this person for longer than a night, but you can’t. Some people are just meant to make cameo appearances, some are destined to be a pithy footnote. That’s okay though. Not every person we love has to stick around. Sometimes it’s better to leave while you’re still ahead. Sometimes it’s better to leave before you get unloved.
You will fall in love with the old couple down the street because to you they represent the impossible: a stable, long-lasting love. You’re trying to get someone to like you for more than ten minutes. A monogamous “never get sick of ya” love seems unfathomable. “What’s your secret, sir? Do you just say yes a lot?”
You will fall in love with smells, the good and the bad kind. You will want to wear your lovers shirt because it makes you feel close to them and you’re okay with being that PYSCHO who is legitimately sniffing their shirt in public. You will fall in love with sweat, certain perfumes, the smell of the season in which you fell in love. This particular love smells like fall. It smells like Halloween and a roaring fire and leaves and fog and mist and candy and food and family and whiskey and sex and the lint that collects on sweaters. When it ends, if it ends, you will never experience another fall without thinking of him, her, it. The memories will stick to the ground like a mound of leaves and will only dissipate when the weather drops.
You will fall in love with your friends. Deep, passionate love. You will create a second family with them, a kind of tribe that makes you feel less vulnerable. Sometimes our families can’t love us all the time. Sometimes we’re born into families who don’t know how to love us properly. They do as much as they can but the rest is up to our friends. They can love you all the time, without judgement. At least the good ones can.
This is where I’m supposed to tell you that you will fall in love with The One, a person who isn’t too cold or too nice. Their “O” face is perfectly fine and they’re not afraid to show how much they love you. This person is supposed to wait for us at the end of the twentysomething road as some kind of reward for all the heartache and loneliness. We deserve them. We’ve earned this kind of love.
So fine. You’re going to fall in love with The One. You’re going to fall in love with someone who will make sense beyond college or a job or a particular season. They’ll make sense forever and won’t ever want to leave you behind. I’m telling you this not because it’s true but because it NEEDS to be true. Everyone is entitled to this kind of love, so why not? Have it. It’s yours. Blow out the candles on your 30th birthday, holding their hand, and let out an exhale that’s been waiting for ten years.. (sigh) if only it was that simple.
I have fallin in love with them all. Fallin in love more times than I can count.
I fell in love with an amazing woman, and I hurt her, because I knew I could.
I fell in love with someone I knew would NEVER love me the way I needed to be loved, and I gave up everything for her.
I fell in love with one night of amazing sex, and in the morning we walked away strangers and never saw each other again.
I fell in love with every old couple I saw holing hands, while thinking to myself "I want that"
I fell in love with friends.. all my friends, every single one of them.
What no one tells you is love isn't a check list. Love isn't a race. Love isn't set instructions you follow from the age 19 to 29. I have spent most of my twenties with my heart in pieces, trying to get by from one love to the next. I have given and taken and cried; I have watched them go and never questioned why. Do you know what you really learn in your 20's.. you learn that it's not like the movies. You learn that feelings get hurt, wounds heal, and no matter how broken your heart is, it will keep beating. I am turning 30 in 33 days. I will blow out my candles with family and friends by my side and I will let out an exhale that I've held in for ten years, because at the end of this twentysomething road, I have learned how to love and respect myself enough to hold out for that one love everyone is entitled to.
-Oliver Hart
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